How to Get Your Girlfriend or Wife Into MTB Without Ending the Relationship

You love riding. And at some point you've thought, how good would this be if my girlfriend / wife / partner was into it too.

The boys trips aren't going anywhere. But imagine more riding on top of that. Weekends that just happen. Trips that don't need negotiating. Someone who's grabbing their helmet instead of holding the fort.

My partner got most of it right, genuinely, almost all of it. But I've talked to enough women to know that's not always the case. So here's where it tends to go wrong from the girlfriend's or wife's perspective, and how to get it right.

Here's where it usually goes wrong:

1. Too hard too soon. That trail that feels like a casual Wednesday to you? Genuinely terrifying to someone new. The fix is embarrassingly simple, green trail, flat, flowy, nothing technical. We won't be embarrassed. We will come back for more.

2. Too many tips. We know you mean "I've got you." But this can feel like "there is so much wrong with what we are doing." Pick one thing, say it once, leave it there. We heard you. And trust me, we are working on it.

3. Not celebrating the wins. We clear something and it was scary, then we are looking at what's next. Let us have that moment. Those small wins are what stack up into someone who is absolutely sending it six months later.

4. Making it your ride. If the trail choice, the pace, and the debrief are all about what you got out of it and we are just a passenger in your hobby. Nobody stays keen on that for long. Make this an experience we can both enjoy.

5. Showing us how good you are. We think you're absolutely sick on a bike. Genuinely. But watching you style out a massive drop we can't even roll over yet doesn't always inspire us. We know you're good. Save the sends for just a little bit later, when we're buzzing or at the end of a good ride, not day one, when we're still figuring out how to corner.

6. The kids situation, sort the rotation before you leave the house. If you've got kids and one person spends the whole day managing them while the other gets a full ride in that's not a family ride, that's babysitting with bikes nearby. We love our kids. But neither of us is going to improve if someone's always stuck doing laps of the carpark with a seven year old. Swap, take turns, find a pump track to keep them busy. Everyone gets a ride. Everyone gets to progress.

7. Let us look good out there. This is not negotiable. Nobody is showing up to a trail in your old baggy kit from 2015 that's three sizes too big. Investing in decent wear matters not just for the gram, but because when we feel good we ride better. Don't give us grief for wanting to look good.

A couple of things that actually help:

Woman mountain biking, gap jump MTB

• Ride behind sometimes, not because you're babysitting, because it changes the whole dynamic. No one feels chased, the pace is set by whoever needs it, and its a great way to get practical tips.

• Give feedback with the win built in. "That section is actually tricky, you rode it well, next time try..." lands completely differently to just pointing at what's next or what could be better

• And sometimes? Say nothing. Silence on a trail is underrated. Not every moment needs a comment.

Because here's the thing nobody talks about.

MTB opens doors. The winery after the ride. The freezing creek you jump in when you're cooked. The weekend away that happens to include trails and ends up being one of the best trips you've ever done. Once it clicks the conversation stops being "are you going riding again" and becomes "where are we going next."

The boys trips are still happening. But now there's so much more riding in your life and nobody's keeping score. So there you have it, my take on how to Get Your Girlfriend or Wife Into MTB Without Ending the Relationship